Food for thought

I want to write about something I have been thinking a lot about lately. Food, more specifically organic food. Over the last few years, I’ve become more aware of the dangers of GMOs, soy, fluoride and imported foods. By no means am I an expert. Just a Mother trying to keep my kids healthy. My children’s father is probably my biggest influencer, he has a masters in kinesiology and teaches holistic medicine. His whole life is dedicated to natural life style. He also does a podcast in nutrition called eategrity and wizeguy_jfd, check out the recipes and tips, if you like!

JF has been raising our children completely organic for years. He teaches meditation and yoga as well, my kids are really into this life style, and sometimes say they don’t want to eat  something I didn’t cook, so out of respect for the lifestyle they want, we are fininishing my eating transition. So those few little things that have helped a lot with motivation!

My advice for newbie gardening: This summer will be my 3rd year gardening, it’s been a learning curve, but so rewarding. A few foods to start with in a small backyard are peas, strawberries, spinach, tomatoes and beans. Most of this is plant and grow and my strawberries grew back from the year before, two years perennial, I believe. I love getting fresh spinach all summer from my yard. With trying to move this summer, I may have to hold off but once we’re settled, I’ll definitely be in the yard! This is one of my motivating factors to live a bit out of the core of the city. I want to have more focus on health and slow things down! I’m always up for advice and learning from people who have knowledge, I definitely can’t give any real advice other than what I have experienced for myself. So just try those easy fruits and veggies first.

Meditation and yoga: Great for us, even better for kids. Fights depression, and forces you to focus on you, your breathing, body and mind. If money is tight, try a work shop or even a yoga book. Baby steps! So much of our energy is misplaced on trivial things, refocus on just breaking the repeating cycle. For me, swimming is also a great break.

My final thought; live without regret. I’m never hard on myself, if I fuck up, oh well, if I eat too much or too little, whatever, if I want to cruise Pinterest and drink a bottle of wine, meh, not one moment of regret or thought. The main stress and critic in life is yourself, and nobody else is judging you, they’re too busy trying to sort themselves out, so refocus on positive things and drown out any self-deprecating thought! A hundred generations of imperfect lovers made you out of pure love. Most of those people thought their babies were perfect and vowed to love them unconditionally. You are love. Cute, right? Remember that and take care!

Here is my Vaughn, he loves cleaning, washing his hands and brushing his teeth lately 👦🏼 Like, a lot. It’s odd, but no complaints here! Happy 2.5 years buddy!! IMG_9319

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New Year, New Beer

The end of 2017. Good, bad, and everything in between. Just like the others. I never set the bar too high and just try to make the best out of every situation. Nobody in my family got sick or died, so it was a good year. I had the most beautiful soul-baby this year. If she isn’t an angel on earth. So precious. So sweet. I smother her with hugs and kisses all day. How we got that little being is a mystery. Such a gift of love and life, with dimples, as if she wasn’t cute enough already! We thanks our lucky stars for her daily!! Happy almost 6 months my doll.

This year I got kind of weirded out about instagram, I received two strange emails regarding one of my children recently, even after I blocked all the accounts that I wasn’t sure about from following me a couple of weeks ago, I still had a Mom-tuition moment. When I have time to go through my instagram, I’ll probably just keep my posting to a minimum. I don’t ever make hasty decisions, and I never set limits on myself. I only flow with my river, you know what I mean? Today, I can’t be bothered to sort through instagram stuff. So, I just deleted it for now. Problem semi-solved 😉

I’m currently working on my courses. I stalled for a bit during pregnancy because I was so unwell. I still don’t feel 100% but I’m chipping away at it. You wouldn’t get much done if you only work on days you feel great, right? I put my quilting aside for now. Well…. online sales anyway, but I absolutely love the idea of giving them as gifts always! Lap blankets especially. It gives me a chance to do some for my own house too. Wow, I sound ancient. All grown up! Liam accidentally broke my camera on our last trip to the mountains, so I’m hoping to get that sorted out soon, I want to get back into photography classes when I get some time!

Tomorrow is our anniversary. It’s going to be so cold! Another year! My husband is silly, handsome, generous and many other things! He’s a great companion. Christmas was great this year too, the kids got spoiled and got to see lots of cousins, aunts and uncles, had lots of treats and parties. I love seeing Christmas through their eyes every year. So magical! I got Fabianne a camera to practice her new hobby and Junior some drums. And lego sets! Those are always good quality time spending toys. I love Christmas. Next year I have dig out all my lights and outdoor decorations.

We are looking at listing our house in late winter. We are ready to move I think. We got prequalified already, so we’re ready! Our bedrooms are too small now for our kids and we have to have two kids per bedroom, so bigger closets and more dresser room is a must. My bedroom closet is too small and the laundry for 7 is actually driving me mad. A 4 bedroom up or 3 bedroom with an unfinished basement big enough for one or two additional bedrooms would be ideal. A long term home, with more storage for our growing family. Though it may take time to sell, we have time. No rush really. I will miss our yard, memories and the park, but we are going to get what we want this time, so fingers crossed for an easy sale. This house has been great for us though, affordable with an accelerated mortgage, so we paid it down quickly and fixed it up into a cute little house. I actually love how it looks now. I would like to do more but we have to keep things in perspective too. We won’t be able to get more than 360 back, so we don’t want to go too crazy.

I’m looking forward to 2018, excited for trying to move, another year with my babies, a year closer to my career goal and practicing photography. I feel tired a lot, but Clovee is eating now, so hopefully night feeding will slow down a bit. I got eyelashes done so I had to take some pics 🤗 I didn’t proof read this yet, I hope it’s not too grammatically incorrect! I have to go feed Clover 😊

Please have an Amazing New Year’s Eve, my bears!! You deserve two of everything! CHEERS!!!

This child is fierce

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Depression and clarity. Coping with life, we never really figure it out, do we? It’s a revolving door of confusion and acceptance. We finally make it out though. Support and really holding your head up no matter what, is key. I wonder sometimes how we react and feel things we do. And it’s becoming clearer that different people are motivated in life by good intentions and by bad. We are created, and formed by each other and our surroundings, not just our genetics. And no, I’m not high haha, I am very spiritual person… and extremely grateful. I don’t take people’s kindness for granted. I think accepting people for who they are brings you peace. Like really accepting them. Loving them for them. Love kills the demon right?

Years of depression and grief has really opened my eyes. I want to look back and be proud of my past. Even proud of defeating depression, not embarrassed. Approach really does make a difference with everything. Your attitude, your ability to really listen. Different walks of life mean different energy, not bad, just different. Not everyone thinks like you.

For example, my husband. He is a force, like fire. Passionate, unpredictable, destructive, warm, bright and protective. We fought, trying to find a common ground. What changed us is instead of trying to put the fire out, accepting Him for him. I’ve written him an ongoing diary of our life together, my feelings and memories, I hope he cherishes that one day.

My children, my brother, my family, my friends, they’re my people. I deeply respect them all. I read a book recently about nurturing relationships. How they affect us and the sociology of human interactions. If you are depressed, you may think or feel something that isn’t true. You may think someone is weird to you, but in reality, it’s your jade coloured glasses.

That being said, we all need to remember that not everybody is rooting for you. And some people want you to feel shitty. You can trust me here, you are a fucking ROCK. Nobody can move you, except you. My absolute favourite movie, True Romance, a line by Drexl, “this child has fierce” is my inner voice. That is you, somewhere locked in the negativity of depression. Fiiiieerce. Be happy for people, without comparing to yourself, be with likeminded individuals, meditate, and stop treating yourself like a second class citizen. You, me, everybody is a part of Earth, like the trees, the bodies of water, the birds, why do you consider yourself less worthy, less beautiful? Take care of yourself, you can overcome depression. One day at a time!

Cheers beauties!

Winter

So December is here!! A halfway through already! This weekend I have been getting all caught up. I’m usually a Christmas crazy lady, but I’ve been so busy lately with the kids stuff. I got most of my shopping done, just looking for a bigger drum set for my preteen. They run about $600, so I’ve been shopping around. He has a set of drum at his Dads, but he needs to practice everyday now, and maybe teach Vaughn and Clover one day too.

The home schooling is going pretty well, it’s helping Vaughn learn a lot too. My older kids will say an object in English and French to him, to prepare him for school a bit. I’m going to have to get serious about potty training soon, it’s required in the 3 year old class in September. He’s just so difficult with that. Almost offended when I bring up the potty to him. There has been a lot of jealousy and frustration since Clover was born, he feels like he’s the baby, discussion over. He’s definitely his Fathers son. I’m proud of him though, he’s the most protective and loving boy when it come to his Momma. Sigh 💞

Liam went back to work today, we did have time to find my dress for our anniversary and New Years Eve. I’ve been mauling over a few different styles to go with. I wanted long because of the cold weather but classy/ dressy because we’re attending his brothers wedding that evening as well. I love my dress. I think it works with his suit. We’re bringing our baby with us, as she is still not a fan of bottles. I spent $50 on a special bottle that guarantees 97% will use it, but my baby is the 3% I guess. That’s ok. She’ll love all the music at a wedding. Though, she will make it a early night. Bed time is bed time with Clover.

This month has been great so far. I got Liam a nice light board for his drawing, his drawing skills have gotten better, which I thought impossible. He has a rare talent. Who knew I’d marry such a talented and motivated artist. He’s definitely going somewhere with it! I’ve never met anyone who can draw like him. It’s crazy. I believe in him. And I’m so grateful to have the opportunity to pursue my career as well, because of his hard work. We are a team.  Here is one of the dresses I liked for New Year’s Eve!!

Have a great week, full of sledding, snowmen and brandy 😉

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GF birthdays

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Such a busy month! It’s a full blanket of snow outside now, I wasn’t ready. My SUV broke down twice recently. Last Friday was my friends Vienna’s birthday, we went to a cocktail bar with her family and other friends. We brought our baby Clover. I was actually surprised she was allowed in. Oh well, Clovers first lounge trip. She didn’t make a peep, while I drank my $13 cocktails. Liam had a great time too. It was nice to go out together, he’s usually at work or I’m usually attending girls nights. I have known Vienna for 20 years now, I love her so much. She is my soul sister, and I admire her. When we were teenagers, we were in group homes together. She once fought a girl because she was trying to fight me. I was really small at the time, Vienna would just fight them instead, two black eyes. She was there for me, and those people, you never forget. We have a connection I am truly grateful for. Happy #35 V!

Next weekend is my friend Raina’s 40th birthday. I haven’t seen her since September, I’m looking forward to seeing her and our other girlfriends. Fast forward a few weeks to the end of November, we had a great time that night, but Clover made it so we had to leave early. She refuses to drink a bottle. So my journey to finding a nipple like nipple begins.

A couple of weeks ago was my sister in laws birthday, I found the cutest Veronica shirt that ended up being a little more than I expected, but she seemed bummed lately, I wanted to cheer her up. That was a good night too. We saw bad moms 2, and had some drinks. It was chill, and fun. VIP theatre is my shit now haha. Never looking back.

This month we bought an old beater truck for $5000, it is just to drive to Fort Mac and back in the winter. My daughter Fabianne’s 9th birthday was just over a week ago, she had a great time. A weekend of activities. Thor, treehouse, allstars, and cupcakes. She is so kind, she is so grateful for everyone and everything she has. I love her so much. She’s the sweetest person I’ve ever met. I’m the luckiest Mom in the world, to have such a darling daughter!

Birthday season it seems! We are still working on our house, getting it ready to list again. There are a lot of variables, so who knows what the year will bring. Maybe nothing, and that’s ok. We stay, we move, it is fine either way.  The beauty of homeschooling your kids, you can live where ever!

I should wrap this up, I’ve been working on this blog too long. It’s December now!

 

 

October

October has been a busy month, I’m sick and renos are still going on. The plumbing company (need a plumber) was a huge problem, costing us thousands. Though, I’d like to forget about it, I’m seriously considering taking them to small claims court.

I feel very happy and content lately. Like, more than I ever have since my Brother Kenny died 10 years ago. I’ve finally clawed my way out of the dark hole that grief leaves you to die in. I can feel the calmness and love I used to feel, the happiness just looking at my loved ones. I’m grateful for everyone I have and I don’t feel like putting myself down anymore. I feel great. I haven’t been able to say that since 2007. It’s been a long, hard road out of hell, as they say.

I have 4 birthdays to attend in November, so I’m trying to find ideas for gifts. I’m kind of excited to get out without the kids. Now that I home school my older kids, I’m so freaking busy all day. My world revolves around them. I recently started doing things for myself though. I felt bad at first, but now I feel I’m worth it. We have to do things for ourselves sometimes too! Especially because my husband works away sometimes and I’m taking care of everyone by myself. (I do have the odd come apart but overall I’m pretty patient). I got my eyebrows microbladed, and eyelash extensions. I am looking into getting a chemical peel too. I have a lot of freckles and sun damage. If I do, I’ll definitely do a before and after.

My baby Clover is going as little red riding hood for Halloween and Vaughn is a wolf. Sibling costumes are my favourite. We go with my Dad, my older kids, their Dad and his girlfriend, her kids, my husband, and my kids’ friends from school. A lot of people, but we are showing the kids that split families is still family. I’m definitely invested in my children’s emotional well being. I don’t want them feeling any shitty feelings that some broken families put on the kids. I’ve seen the aftermath already, you end up with very mixed up kids. It’s so much easier to be nice. In every situation in your life actually.

Hopefully in the next few months our home renovation will be done and we can list our house. We are looking at moving a little bit out of town, but close enough to the city. We need a bit more space. We are starting to feel cramped. At least if we don’t get an offer, we will love our updated rooms. So it’s fine either way.

Thanks for stopping by!

My tattoo story

Good evening!

I am finding lots of time for blogging while I’m breastfeeding. Its a good time to reflect. I’ve collected a couple nice and not so nice tattoos over the years! Haha

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My first tattoo experience was very irresponsible I’d say. I was 14, I was living at various friends houses, after my Dad made me leave his house for what I remember as just being a kid. I’m sure I wasn’t the best teen, but who is? I’ve learned a lot from my parents, mainly being, what not to do as a parent. Anyways, I lived at my friend Amanda’s house. With her Mom, brother and cousin I believe. The guys were a few years older than me, and badasses. We were always doing bad shit. The cousin put together a homemade tattoo gun one day and just tattooed me right there. So unsanitary, right? It was painful, it scarred. The ‘artist’ was just a kid as well, his second tattoo.  So, you can imagine how my Metallica, throwing star, from the load album looked haha.

My second tattoo is a cover up of my first tattoo. I lived in Calgary. I have a water dragon on my shoulder blade. I got it at 18, so it’s now 16 years old. It also looks pretty rough. Faded, bled together. The artist said I should come back in 4 weeks for a touch up. I did, and he was no longer working there. He was dead. I didn’t ask why but he lived in his camper in front of the shop. I automatically assumed suicide or drugs. I love the tattoo though. I might get it reworked at some point.

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Third, I was 19. I got a tramp stamp. I lived in Cranbrook at the time. A flower, bumble bee and the words pretty. Why? Because my rap name was pretty gritty. I’m actually serious right now, I was so into that scene. My friends and I went to battles all of the time. I feel like that is so unlike me now and I wouldn’t believe it was true either. That was a fun time. White guys that said the N word while rapping were always called out, but nothing serious, and I have to say, I was impressed with how everyone used to get along so well.

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After that, I lost interest in tattoos for a while. I got so busy with life. I started a management job, had two kids, moved to Montreal, then All the way back to Edmonton. After my relationship with my children’s father started falling apart, I felt my old self fighting to get out of my mundane existence. Now, obviously I can’t just bounce on my responsibilities, but I can get tattoos haha! So, here we go, tattoo 4, “BROTHERS” tattooed on my ribs. Why? Because while I lived in Montreal, my older brother died. Kenny, he was the second brother I lost. I also have an Irish twin, Robert. I thought a lot about memoriam tattoos and decided against it. I wanted to keep it simple and dedicate a tattoo in the simplest way, for the dead and my living brother. And the fact that I had no sisters, and never will. At that time, besides my kids, my brothers were everything to me. I’ve gotten comments on that one like, do you like dating black guys A.k.a brothers, is it reaching to think that maybe it just actually means my brothers? I love them, always will. Nothing will ever change that. Even when Robert is in a mood. He’s my best friend for life.

#5, I got matching tattoos with my cousin TJ (who I consider my little brother). We got Ne Obliviscaris on my bicep and his index finger, I almost got it there too. I changed my mind last minute. Ne Obliviscaris means ‘Forget Not’ in Gaelic. It’s the Campbell clan Motto and we got this as a symbol of unity and to remember our beloved Grandfather, Robert. TJ has also gotten a sleeve dedicated to our grandfather since. He was a very respectable man. We loved him a lot.

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#6 shortly after that, I was addicted. I also started dating my now husband, Liam. He’s got a lot so I definitely felt more comfortable getting real tattoos at this point. I got my side done, a skull and roses. I love that tattoo. It’s a good mix of girly and badass. Is badass still a relevant word? Anyways, yes that one remains unfinished because it’s hidden and I lost interest. Maybe one day I’ll finish that one.

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#7 I have a sparrow on my shoulder, roman armour for wings. I still like that one.

My husband, Liam

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#8 a Scottish girl portrait on my hip, it looked more Asian. The lesson here is be very careful who you go to. This one was the biggest disappointment ever. I never went back after my first session.

#9 cowboys from hell symbol on my foot, it was slightly crooked, so I hated it. Too bad, I do love pantera. IMG_6571.PNG

#10 a black cat to cover my CFH foot tattoo. The foot was the most painful spot to me. My other foot will never be tattooed because of the pain.

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#11 my thigh, and reworking my Asian girl. I got  a 1950s style portrait of a woman with a gun and a pearl necklace. I get lots of compliments on that one.

 

 

#12 My Daughter Clovers name, on my arm. My husband got the same tattoo. Which is barely legible anymore. Never going to Red Deer ever again 😬

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Renovation Diary week 2

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Good evening!

That brassy look is coming back, I’m telling you! Or not, but I love it!! We hired a family member who just moved to town for the tile, so it’s a win/win. He’s actually living at my other house. He is an awesome person, and a great tiler. I’m recommending him to everyone. The bathroom isn’t completely finished, there is still sanding, painting and putting the backsplash on the vanity, but the progress is impressive for one week. Our tiler is super fast! The vanity is my favourite part. I wanted a girly bathroom! I’m still painting metallic white lines, and floating shelves. This is “hers” bathroom. The other bathroom will be a “his” bathroom.

While we are waiting for the new tub for the “his” bathroom, we revamped the dark, dated fireplace. I like brassy, but only is very small doses. For this, we went with two different tile, and a very matte white paint, and high heat paint in grey and black for the brass. This was a one day job and very inexpensive. I recommend updating fireplaces if necessary. 👍🏻

Next, the second bathroom. I’m very surprised about the price of swapping an American standard tub, with a whirlpool. Before you buy,  you should know, the tub itself might be the least expensive part. We had to hire a plumber to move copper pipes, install a special drain and move the drain over a bit. We also had to hire an electrician for power to the tub. It’s the midst of all this, our basement plugs stop working. Renovating is kind of like opening a can of worms. Or finally getting to the root of the problems. It depends how you look at it.

Next week, we might have the second bathroom finished, I’m super excited to get a small break from renovations.

My first blog

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This is the fourth time I’ve tried to write a blog. Writing that first sentence forces me to reiterate in my mind why I want to blog in the first place. Reflection, therapy, and maybe solidifying memories that would probably be drown out within a few weeks. Life is busy and crazy, maybe I need a minute to myself to reflect. I’m a very honest person, and I’m going to blog that way.

First, my story in a nutshell. My name is Pamela. I am the 3rd of 4 children and only girl. My 2 elder brothers passed away, one as a child, the other by a drunk driver. I am married, for almost 4 years. I have 4 kids, ages 2 months, 2, 8 and 10, 2 boys and 2 girls. A blended family with 5 kids, I am a stepmom too. I have a small quilting business, I home school my kids and I try my hardest at photography. My goal is to get more practice this year with photography. I like cooking, fashion, home decor, music and sewing projects. Hopefully I remember to incorporate a bit of everything into my life blogs.

I will start my blog by just jumping right in to my life with 4 kids. I knew what I was getting myself into. But that is exactly what I wanted. Absolute chaos haha.

I’m not ashamed to say that I cut a lot of corners when it comes to my parenting. Having 4 kids is no joke. It’s hardcore Mothering. Momcore. Homeschooling, Judo, piano, swimming, learning French, diapers, cooking for 7, omg laundry for 7! Breastfeeding… the list could be never ending. Is it worth it? This is where I’d say Yes! It is! But let’s be honest, I don’t know any other way so I have to say yes. I know it will be for sure! I’m definitely meant to be a Mom in a large family. I’m very sweet but sometimes I can relate to the Mom from Malcolm in the middle. Flipping out on my kids for making me repeat myself 100 damn times.

And the reward, I feel so blessed every single time it occurs to me that I now have 4 beautiful humans. It was always my dream to have at least 3. Its hard to explain. It’s different than 2, or 3. It’s sooo much love. So much work yes, but so much reward. I definitely feel needed. Sometimes a little used haha. I am excited for the future of my family as well. Sons in law, Daughters in law! Grandkids! Christmas dinners! Being a Mom to a room full of people, that thought amazes me.

These are my kids, Jean-François (10), Fabianne (Fabs, who is 8), Vaughn (2) Clover (Clovee, who is 2 months)

This is my husband and I a couple of weeks ago. Summer is now over, so Autumn clothing is coming out next!! Cheers, my people 😁😁

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